dramoth's Diaryland Diary Today was the Christmas party at work. So there was beer, food, and general laughter and fun. I had one beer, right when the buzzer sounded and the party began. Then I drank the barf-cans of caffeine free diet coke. My sister and I looked through the photos that the place has kept for years. And I mean years. My mom has worked there for almost 20 years. Many of the photos are incredibly silly, and were taken when I was under the age of 10. I spent most of the time talking about the strange and odd world we live in with my supervisor, a very cool guy, and one of the engineers, a guy who speaks five languages and has travelled all over. (Both are in their 50s, so don't go getting any ideas!) My mom and sister decide to razz me, when they see I finished my beer and moved on to diet coke. For some reason that provoked amusement, while they and their group held their 2nd, 3rd or 4th beers. Then they decide to tell the story of me sitting in the back of my own car while my sister and mom smoked up front, and I and my youngest sister sat with our scarfs over our faces trying not to breathe in the cancer. My mom tried to play it off like "oh, the youngest was only copying you" and so I pointed out my brother, who did NOT like cigarette smoke as a child and who's preference had prompted her to refrain from smoking with him in the car 75% of the time. In my mom's world, my brother can do no wrong, of course. She didn't humor him. No not at all. That would point to a disparity with how she treats my youngest sister. We can't have that. But I pointed it out, when challenged on it. I don't back down when I'm confident on an issue. So I left to go finish my Christmas shopping. I, for one, remembered that my brother had to work and my dad might have to work, so I called home and told my dad I would take my sister with me so he could try to finish his jobs. I'm the responsible one. Me and my sister get home from shopping, prepare to make christmas cookies, start to prepare dishes to be done, and in walks a very VERY drunken mother and my 22yo sister. The first words out of my drunken mother's mouth were 'go to sleep' to my youngest sister. wtf?! She's been excellent all day, and stuck in her bedroom all day while my brother and dad babysat. She listened totally while we were out together. It was a good day. And she's told to go to bed? So I pointed out she was going to help me with Christmas cookies. Of course this resulted in the threat to move out if I can't listen to rules. Whatever. I refuse to discuss moving out with her when she's not sober. In fact I refuse to discuss anything with her when she's not sober. All I care about when she is a drunk is making sure she isn't abusive to my youngest sister. So I go to start dishes and she tells me to stop. I just flat out said no and ignored her. Of course my dad keeps an even voice and barely reigns her in. To him and my sister who I work with, my mom deserves her 'fun' whenever she can get it, which isn't often. Whatever. My sister, who I work with, tells me she doesn't care if I think I'm better than our mom, she doesn't want to hear anything from me on why mom is drunk. WTF?! Apparantly my mother, and my sister, have issues. I must come across as 'holier than thou'. They just can't handle standards higher than their own (IMHO), and I only come across as 'holier than thou' because they know my standards are higher. It took me 3 years of college to learn that getting drunk does NOT make for fun. Apparantly my sister got the gene from my mom where drunk IS fun. It took me living with a smoker to realise I don't like smoking. My mother says all the time she would quit if she could. So because I'm smart enough to not smoke in the first place, apparantly that makes me better. Or maybe it is my life choices. Or the fact that I can point to where she needs to improve her parenting skills with a Learning&Behavior Disabled kid like my sister. I really don't care. It's just her problem judging herself against me, rather than her own standards. The engineer I was talking to at work looked over at my sister and mom and their crowd, then looked at me. I smiled and said I was the black sheep. He shook his head and said "the white sheep in a family of black sheep?" I think that fits. Please read Wiley's post on judging ourselves against our own standards, versus judging self against others. ------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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